Monday, December 28, 2009

A Bouquet of Crash Blossoms

The New York Times calls attention to a new phrase added to the language during 2009—“crash blossom.”  This neologism is used to refer to infelicitously expressed newspaper headlines that produce double entendres that might be interpreted in more than one way.  The example in the Times is SHARK ATTACKS PUZZLE EXPERTS, with assurances that it doesn’t mean Will Shortz and his confreres are in danger.

What the Times article does not explain is how the phrase “crash blossom” originated.  Your intrepid blogger delved deep into the files to unearth the headline responsible: VIOLINIST LINKED TO JAL CRASH BLOSSOMS.  It appeared in the online edition of Japan Today over a story about the musician Diana Yukawa, whose father had been killed in a Japanese airline crash and whose career was now flourishing. Subsequent comment on this headline on the website testycopyeditors.org resulted in the coinage of the phrase. 

Newspaper headlines lend themselves to unintended ambiguity since the people who write them, even though they may have summa cum laude Harvard English degrees, have to cram a lot of information into a rigidly restricted space on a tight deadline. A few of the more provocative “crash blossoms” that I have encountered are:

JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

CHEF PUTS HIS HEART INTO MEALS FOR NEEDY

DEVOUT NUN TELLS HOW POPE TOUCHED HER


OLD SECRETARY GIVES COLLECTORS A THRILL

CEO MAKES OFFER TO SCREW COMPANY SHAREHOLDERS

NFL ASKS PLAYERS TO DONATE BRAINS FOR RESEARCH

The Bard of Buffalo Bayou, who whiled away many halcyon hours on the rim of a newspaper copydesk writing his share of crash blossoms, phoned in this late-breaking bulletin for the final edition:

            Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
            CONGRESSMAN CAUGHT IN COZY LOVE NEST!
            If it’s in print, there’s no doubt about it.
            COSTUME MALFUNCTION EXPOSES ONE BREAST!

            Here is the news you really don’t need:
            SUPER BOWL HERO IN MESSY DIVORCE!
            Here is the news you’re dying to read:
            TRANSVESTITE COPS ARE FOUND ON THE FORCE!

            All of the news that’s not fit to print,
            About matters medical, sordid, or phallic,
            Takes on an air of importance by dint
            OF NINETY-SIX-POINT GOTHIC CAPS, BOLD AND ITALIC!




1 comment:

  1. Hi i am the dan bloom in the Times story who coined the term crash blossoms or crash blooms, haha. i was JOKINg and the term too:
    Body:Hi i am the dan bloom in the Times story who coined the term crash
    blossoms or crash blooms, haha. i was JOKINg and the term took off.
    who knew? by the way, can you blog one day on this new coinage of
    mine, pro or con, dan bloom, Tufts 1971, in Taiwan forever now,
    marooned here. and love it here. I wrote THE SNAILPAPER STATEMENT
    today, and here's a preview:

    "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that while the Digital Age
    is upon us fast and furious, the print newspaper -- hereafter dubbed
    the "snailpaper" -- shall persevere as a good daily read, a
    fascinating look at the world around us and a valuable tool for
    understanding oped pundits and above the fold headlines. Sure, the
    dear snailpaper will also be seen as a useful tool

    for wrapping fish at the Fulton Fish Market or lining the bird cage in
    the den, but all kidding aside -- har! har! -- the daily snailpaper
    can hold its head high and be certain of its place in the culture.
    While news migrates in pixels and bytes to the Internet at an
    exponential rate, piling breaking story upon breaking story and
    turning everyone and his mother into a 24/7 news freak and RSS
    aggregator, the plodding snailpaper will nevertheless remain the
    bedrock of analysis and insight, from sea to shining sea, delivered at
    a snail's pace, yes, read at a snail's pace, yes, and absorbed, word
    for word -- on glorius printed paper! white newsprint reflecting inked
    letters! -- at a snail's pace, yes, as long as the Republic of Letters
    shall live."

    Full blast here:

    http://zippy1300.blogspot.com/2010/02/snailpaper-statement-mini-version-by.html
    2009/1/15 danbloom <danbloom@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete